JMM For Short

i can’t really explain why some things don’t bother me and why i still care about the...

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:48:50 -0400

i can’t really explain why some things don’t bother me and why i still care about the things that i care about. all i know is that as long as music makes me so excited that i want to jump off tall objects, I’ll keep doing what im doing.

everything other than that feeling is just bullshit. don’t get down when people try to take that away from you, just turn the stereo up louder and keep stage diving. fuck everything else.

what i want out of life is to focus on the things and the people that i am into. i don’t want...

Sat, 11 May 2013 11:00:58 -0400

what i want out of life is to focus on the things and the people that i am into. i don’t want to pay attention to anyone else’s dumb bullshit. it pisses me off when people treat the ones i care about like shit because that makes me have to care about other peoples dumb bullshit. if people act like that to me i can generally dismiss it, but don’t fuck with the handful of people in the world i care about. that’s when i get pissed off. trust me, nobody needs that.

god, i hate what im about to do but this shit has been weighing on my mind for a few days and i...

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:33:27 -0400

god, i hate what im about to do but this shit has been weighing on my mind for a few days and i wanted to write a little something about it.

birmingham had always been a town that held grudges. ever since ive been going to shows here its been a never ending cycle of who’s mad at who, who’s slept with who, and who’s in hot water for not being as punk or p.c. as they should be. give it a fucking rest.

how cynical have you become that you have to shit on positive things that people are trying to do because of a grudge? have you ever taken a step back and seen who else your pot shots hurt? its one thing to have a problem with someone, its another to spew bile all over everyone because you can’t get your way. fuck you. you little baby.

im just as guilty of playing this game as anyone else is, but i think its high time that we all get off of this ride and start supporting one another. ive seen too many friends that have been nothing but supportive of this city and this tiny d.i.y. “community” get hurt because some stupid fuck couldn’t keep their shit attitude to themselves. we’ve all gone to your shows, we’ve seen your bands a million times. how about you return a little of that support from time to time?

yeah, im angry. yeah, im using incendiary language, but i haven’t accused anyone of encouraging rape and i haven’t named any names. we’re all guilty in this. we can all fuck off.

holysoul: propers to theswinginsixties: Otis Redding...

Thu, 09 May 2013 17:55:14 -0400

holysoul:

propers to theswinginsixties:

Otis Redding performing at the Atlanta Braves Stadium, 1966.

this is dope

thiswillneverbeourtown: http://waypoint.bandcamp.com/ http://fre...

Tue, 07 May 2013 20:39:35 -0400

thiswillneverbeourtown:

http://waypoint.bandcamp.com/

http://freethrowemo.bandcamp.com/

http://whitesandsmissilerange.bandcamp.com/

i made dis flyer. madison made dis show. plz come see bands and high five us.

i love the sounds of our house in the morning before anyone else is up and moving around.

Sun, 05 May 2013 09:34:44 -0400

i love the sounds of our house in the morning before anyone else is up and moving around.

this summer will be the third year ive spent in the place that i live now. that’s really crazy...

Sat, 04 May 2013 20:10:02 -0400

this summer will be the third year ive spent in the place that i live now. that’s really crazy to me. it only seems like ive actually been living for the last one. since ive gotten my shit together, or started trying to. ive tried to stop dwelling on my past so much the last couple of weeks. there are times when it works and times when it doesn’t. certain situations kind of throw me back into that mindset, but im discovering a place within myself that’s more ok with where i am and isn’t so hellbent on reliving where ive been every waking moment. its nice when i can settle into that place and spend long, calm hours alone listening to music, reading, or creating whatever cool stuff i can think of. then there are the times when im outside of that and i don’t know that I’ll ever get back. sometimes i wish i had something to remind myself of the calm hours when im in the midst of difficult moment mentally. a trail of bread crumbs or a map back to the still spots would come in handy.

penishole: tellthegirlsivefallen: lizlemon-party: good...

Sat, 04 May 2013 12:06:54 -0400

penishole:

tellthegirlsivefallen:

lizlemon-party:

good god

Excuse me.

Um……..

I’M FREE TONIGHT, SOMEBODY DO THIS WITH ME

this past week my therapist told me that i’m “very guarded” and...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:40:52 -0400

this past week my therapist told me that i’m “very guarded” and “extremely difficult to have a conversation with”. that kind of threw me for a loop because i have always considered myself pretty open and easy to talk to. i brought this up to her and she said that i was really easy to talk to and carry on a conversation with about things that were on the surface, but that i didn’t open up to what i was actually thinking very much and that i tried to probe her with questions and figure out what she wanted to hear, rather than being open and honest about what was inside of me.

i guess that’s what clued her into the fact that i’m actually an introvert. another thing she said that i didn’t agree with at first. she asked me to take a personality test to find out what my personality type was. i told her i would, but didn’t have much intention of actually doing it. when i got home it crossed my mind again and i thought, “oh what the hell?” so i took the test. turns out she was right.

the last few days since our meeting i’ve started to realize that i don’t really know myself at all. i think there are two reason why i don’t know myself. 1. i spent the last six years drinking and trying to hide from the way i actually felt instead of thinking about myself. 2. i tend to obsess over what other people want. i think i do the second one because i’m afraid of being rejected by acting like myself. i often find myself thinking about what other people want out of me and trying to do or be whatever it is i think would be best for them. obviously that’s not a healthy way to live and it’s something i have to stop.

i’ve done a really good job of taking care of number 1, and i’m really proud of myself. i think it’s time to start tackling number 2. learning about myself and learning how to be myself without being afraid is going to be a real challenge, but i draw strength from my time spent working on number 1. i know that if i can do that for myself, i can do anything. so here it goes.

Photo

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 01:33:01 -0400

I relate to this more since admitting my drinking problem....

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 23:38:14 -0400

I relate to this more since admitting my drinking problem. Regrets, ya know?

so if you know me, you know that i’ve been through a lot of personal changes in the last 12...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 17:59:00 -0400

so if you know me, you know that i’ve been through a lot of personal changes in the last 12 months. i’ve lost a bunch of weight, i’ve quit drinking, quit eating meat, and started seeing a therapist. i’ve also started taking anti anxiety/depression medication. the catalyst for most of this change was a medical problem i had about a year ago. my left foot started hurting really badly, and i couldn’t remember injuring it. i hate going to the doctor, so i let it ride for a few weeks and it never went away. it really fucking hurt. walking was excruciating and even touching it was uncomfortable. finally, i went to the doctor and they told me that i had the gout.

the gout.

that thing that 60 year old men that drink too much and eat like shit get. the so called “king’s disease”; called that because only kings and rich men could afford the amount of rich food and booze you need to consume in order to get it.

the fucking gout.

it was a huge wake up call that if i didn’t turn around my life, my health was going to start slipping away. people with gout are also at higher risk of all kinds of other bad shit including, but not limited to, diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure. i was really ashamed of myself. that i had gone so long without taking care of myself and that it got to that point. it’s still really shameful, and i regret it a lot. i’ve only told a few people what went on, and i’ve never posted about it in any public way. i decided that it might be a good idea for me to write about it because a) writing has been making me feel better and b) i need to stop being so ashamed of myself and start living. this is a thing that happened to me, and i can’t change it. i just hope that everyone will look at it and say “man, i better not do what that jerk did to himself”.

anyway, i’m much better now. i stopped drinking in a harmful way, and now i’m not drinking at all due to doctor’s advice regarding my medications. as i also mentioned before, i gave up eating meat because meat is high in the stuff that causes gout flare ups. this group also includes spinach, mushrooms, and gravy. i eat those from time to time, but tend to stay away from them as much as possible as well. i haven’t had any further bouts with gout (har har har) in the last year. just that one. and i really hope to keep it that way forever.

if you read all that, thanks.

"So it’s not a mess. It’s a broken heart. But it’s not a broken heart. It’s a best friend."

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 17:18:04 -0400

““So it’s not a mess. It’s a broken heart. But it’s not a broken heart. It’s a best friend.””

- Vique Martin from Simba: A Collection of Personal and Political Writings from the Nineties Hardcore Scene

The Books of Law: Practical Advice for Troubled Times!

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 08:53:00 -0400

So, I’ve noticed that the Old Testament of The Bible has been used to justify a lot of really awful attitudes and behaviors over the years. In fact, it seems to me like it’s getting worse. People use these antiquated ideas to rule their lives in a time when technology and medecine have outpaced bible knowledge. Some of the old laws don’t really apply anymore, but may have seemed like practical advise to Hebrews back in the day. I think that we should rewrite the Old Testament books of law to reflect this attitude. I’m calling it “The Books of Law: Practical Advice for Troubled Times”. What I think this will do is show people the historical context of when these commandments were written so that they can see that they may not necessarily apply today. We’ve come a long way in the past few thousand years, and the times are much different. You need to consider that we know a lot more about internal medicine and we’re not a nomadic people wandering around in the desert for decades at a time. With that in mind, check out some of my ideas for practical tips from Bible Times.

1. Hey guys, we’re out here wandering in the desert and it really doesn’t seem like we get the chance to shower all that much… so you should probably cut the foreskins off of all the little baby boys. I know, I know, it makes sex less fun and it makes your chode look like a mushroom, but it’s really gonna help you get a lot less dick infections. Do you want it to fall off while you’re wandering in the wilderness? I didn’t think so. Just snip-snip when baby boys are born and everything will be cool.Thanks. - God.

2. You know Israelites, I noticed when I was creating pigs that they weren’t really the cleanest animals. That’s my bad. Look, I was really busy creating all the other animals and oceans and skies and mountains and shit and I just forgot to give these creatures the sense to not roll around in their own shit all day. I know, they taste AWESOME, but you don’t really know anything about bacteria yet and you haven’t invented refrigeration so I’d appreciate if you didn’t eat them. It really sucks, but trust me, you do not want to get sick off this animal that spends its day hanging out in a pool of its own feces. - The Big Guy Up Stairs

3. Alright guys and gals, I’ve noticed that some of you think it’s fun to bang members of your same sex. That’s really cool, only it’s totally not. You guys are trying to build up your population! You’re trying to build an army for me, THE LORD! So how about you just stick to the way I designed things back in the garden. Again, I know it’s super fun and some of you are totally hardwirded from birth to prefer members of your own sex, but you don’t really know about internal medicine yet, so you have no idea that dudes produce millions of sperm throughout their life and you really can’t take the chance on some tail that’s not going to result in an offspring that you can raise to be a fighter for your God. C’mon how are you ever going to defeat these other armies I’m always commanding you to go after without man power! Maybe later when things aren’t so dire, I’ll let up on this command, but for right now it’s really important that you make tons of babies. So cut it out! Also, NO JERKING OFF. - Your merciful heavily father

See, don’t those commandments make WAY more sense now? Isn’t it harder to get really up in arms when you just consider how things were different back then? Lets really not try to get so upset about rules that were set down before people knew about science. I’m sure God would understand. After all, he supposedly loves us.

i just realized that it’s been about four years since i moved to birmingham. a lot has changed...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:21:30 -0400

i just realized that it’s been about four years since i moved to birmingham. a lot has changed since them. when i moved here i was 24, and i thought i was hot shit. i had my first “grown up” job and it was cool as hell. girls seemed to be paying attention to me for the first time in my life, i had a really nice apartment, and i was making pretty great money. unfortunately, i wasn’t taking very good care of myself. in retrospect none of that “cool” stuff seems to matter very much now that i am trying to take better care of my body and mind. i don’t know how i could have fooled myself into thinking i was happy. i was living a pretty shallow and empty life, but i had convinced myself that i was doing what a 24 year old person should be doing. at one point, i even convinced myself to leave a girl i really liked for one that i thought was more suitable to someone of my “stature”.

it’s been four years and i’ve learned that i was really wrong. the only thing that anyone at any age should be doing is making themselves and the people that they care about happy. i make less money now, i have a job that isn’t very cool, and i’m pretty lonely. but on the whole, i’m happier because i’m more involved with going to diy shows, listening to new records, making flyers, cooking, spending time with friends, and trying to figure out who the fuck i actually am.

i can’t change any of the things i’ve done in the past, and that fact really, really bothers me on a daily basis. but i can try to learn from the really terrible mistakes i’ve made and get on with my life. i guess that’s what the next four years is going to be about.

Therapy and medication were supposed to help. I thought they would make things easier and they seem...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 11:38:46 -0400

Therapy and medication were supposed to help. I thought they would make things easier and they seem harder than they ever have. Its so discouraging. Im not even sure this is what I should be doing anymore. I want to throw it all away and walk away. It feels too big to deal with.

I’ve been doing some reading and I think I need to talk to my doctor about the dosage of...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 21:23:00 -0400

I’ve been doing some reading and I think I need to talk to my doctor about the dosage of medication that I am on right now. I’ve noticed that today marks the two week mark of being on the new dosage and I’ve started developing some really manic feelings in the last few days. Building over probably the last week and really culminating yesterday in what ended up being a really difficult day. I can’t even really describe what I’m feeling like right now. I’m having a really, really hard time calming down and I’m starting to have trouble understanding things that I feel like I should be able to understand. It seems like the more I try to reach out to people around me, the more they want to run in the opposite direction. It’s like I’m watching people go and it’s really hard to figure out why. I think that’s the thing that is bothering me mostly. On the other hand, maybe I’m making all of this up in my head and there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just freaking out for nothing. Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time telling which one of my “moods” is the real me. I never feel totally balanced or calm. I wish I could just feel ok to sit by myself in my room for a few hours and not feel like the world is falling in around me.

Sometimes it seems like there isn’t even a point to trying to be a better person. No matter...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:56:53 -0400

Sometimes it seems like there isn’t even a point to trying to be a better person. No matter what happens im still going to have bad days and make mistakes. I feel like I’ll always be a piece of shit and I’ll never get out from under my sins.

One of the best songs by an Alabama band ever. Probably my...

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 15:19:10 -0400

One of the best songs by an Alabama band ever. Probably my favorite Haints song. I feel like this band is pretty well liked, but still somehow overlooked.

The most “punk” thing ive ever done was quit being fucked up all the time, but kept...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 23:12:11 -0400

The most “punk” thing ive ever done was quit being fucked up all the time, but kept having fun.